This morning I had a revelation. As I sat alone in my prayer closet (my special place, just me and the spiders) in a dark, forlone corner of my basement, I was just working it out with God. With my little cards taped to my wall, I was on my knees… doing war. As I was coming to the end of my prayer time, I knew it had been a while and I was torn. I had stuff to do, work was calling, I could hear the thundering of little feet across the laminate flooring above my head. With a sigh I began to close the way I had so many times before “Father, fill me with your Holy Spirit today, that I may overflow with your love, your presence on my kids and everyone I meet”. It is a common prayer for me and one I firmly believed in. I needed to be filled daily with His presence, right? Somehow as Christians, I feel like this is what we have been told in Sunday School and church and yet this morning God whacked me upside the head with a revelation…
I had it all wrong
As I got ready to close, a little smile of satisfaction on my face, I had a moment of clarity. I didn’t need to be filled with the Holy Spirit, I already had the Holy Spirit in me. I needed only to surrender to Him that day. Surrender my mouth to speak His words of love and encouragement, surrender my hands to work for Him, surrender my heart to be sensitive to Him, surrender my ears to hear Him. Such a small thing and yet one of the most freeing moments I have experienced. Because you see, it didn’t depend on me at ALL. Because really, it is as simple as just giving in to Him. Letting Him move and work and speak through me. I am but a vessel. I don’t have to know what to say or be holy enough to see in the spiritual realms. I just need to give in and let God. That’s it! All my running around trying SO. DARN. HARD to do, to sense, to be… was for naught.
It isn’t about us!
This is it you guys, the crux of our faith. It isn’t about us! You see God delights in using us BECAUSE WE ARE WEAK. Because through our weakness, He is glorified. Quite simply, on my own, I am a wretched failure. When I surrender to God, align myself with Him–His purposes and His will–I am His instrument and can be used powerfully by Him. But you see the difference there? I am not “doing FOR God” I am simply being who I was created to be and allowing Him to use me as He sees fit. Isn’t that an incredible truth? We try so hard you guys, and God knows our hearts and I think He loves us for all our trying. But when He sees us fail again and again, and feels the discouragement and exhaustion build up in our spirits. When He watches our passion dim, I feel like He just wants to pick us up from the dirt, brush off our hands and lift our chins to look up to Him, just like a child. And tell us, “let go, and let me”.
So there you have it, a revelation that is so small, so minute, so simple, and yet has brought me so much joy and clarity! Today I encourage you to let go of the idea that you need to be “filled” and instead accept what you have already been given. Let go of the pressure to “do” and instead surrender to the one who has already won the victory. Doesn’t today feel lighter already?