People look at me and see someone on fire. Part of that is my hunger for God and a part of that is simply my own natural personality. I am a David: passionate, intense, an all-in, driven kind of person. Sometimes I feel like certain friends and family members in my life spend their days rolling their eyes at my latest vision or cautioning me to test the water before I start diving in. I need these people in my life, I push them forward and they keep me tethered to reality.
If you have ever seen me lead worship I think “wild abandon” probably describes me best. I am not really interested in where everyone else is at, I just close my eyes, pretend everyone is not there and run after God.
Yet even now, when everyone around me probably sees all the outward expression of who God made me to be, all wildly advancing… the river feels more like a stagnant pond.
Seeking God when you feel dry
I tell you this because the pond is a season I have experienced before and know I will experience again and I am fairly certain someone else out there knows what I’m talking about. It is kind of like the Beaver Dam of spirituality… where you have a hard time hearing God’s voice, where you feel unmotivated and dry, where you feel a little lost in the grand scheme of things.
The more I spend time in the pond of “meh” the more I am convinced it is a trap from the enemy. He sees us advancing and moving and flowing with the River of God and he hatches a plan at just the right moment to steal our momentum: sickness, exhaustion, the busyness of life, selfishness. And in the midst of our spiritual well we dry up. We are too busy, too tired, too unmotivated to dig into the scripture. There are more reasons to rest than there are to persevere and we settle–I settle.
After experiencing this pattern over and over in my life I am well aware of my surroundings when I start to feel life grow bigger than God. If you are with me in the pools on the edge of the river, watching people pass you by, let me tell you now that it is not by accident that you are here and it often isn’t a random act of God that will pull you back into passion and communion with God either. What feels like rest is actually a battleground and you have to rise up, claim the victory that is yours and press on.
Press on past the excuses, press on past the exhaustion, press on past the busyness, press on past the silence. You have to surrender what your flesh is telling you is normal and seek the abnormal. Most often in my life, it is not that God is being silent, I just have too much in the way to hear His voice.
God is far less interested in what we do and far more interested in our hearts. Sometimes it is ministry itself, pouring out what we don’t have to give, that distracts us from the relationship that God desires to have with us. Whatever your reason might be, or mine, the pool is not where we want to stay–it is what we must overcome.
Finding the river within the monotony
Today, my friend, I challenge you to find a moment to steal away and read the Word of God. Lay down all the excuses and put Him first, quiet the distractions in your mind and ask Him to be bigger than what’s in your life right now. If you have been feeling that you just need to do more, I renounce that lie because it’s not true! On our own strength we are incapable of hearing God, we are incapable of revelation and passion and hunger. We have flesh and we are fallen and weak. So stop trying to do it on your own and surrender the whole package of your brokenness to Him and ask God to intervene.
As women, it’s time to stop believing the lie that this is just a stage we have to accept and start pursuing the river in our own lives, in our children’s lives, in our homes, even in the monotony of cleaning and cooking!
A fellow pond hopper… making my way to the river.